Learning to Float and Not to Fall
by Lianas
Summary: Harsh reality goes hand in hand with loneliness in Bella's world. So whilst her world is falling to pieces, someone eventually will pick them back up, and then shatter them irreparable all over again. BxE AU


**Chapter One**

"It's not _your _fault? It's not your fault?!" The sound of a female voice spat at someone.

"Yes it's yours! Your the one spending all the money on clothes, who cares what you look like? Just because I spend _my _money on something more worthwhile, a necessity..." My fathers voice matched my mother's in volume. The bellowing of a male voice replied back.

"You call beer a _necessity? _Beer is NOT a necessity, the latest fashions however are!" The female voice screeched back.

The thin walls did little in protection in muffling the sounds of the arguement that was going down in the floor below. Bella was trying to block the voices out but they got louder and louder and she thought that she was lucky that they bought a house far away from anyone's elses in this tiny town, beause then no one would hear their shouting or screaming.

But then Bella wished that there was a neighbour nearby and that they would help her when they heard the voices and they would treat her with love and respect. The sound of glass smashing into milions oftiny pieces also broke away Bella's 'stupid and foollish' daydream and brang her crashing back to reality.

No one would ever hear her cries for help. No one would ever care.

She curled up into a ball as the sobs wracked her small and extremely thin body. She cried herself to sleep that night, just like every night.

-:-

They were still arguing. Her parents were _always _arguing.

She heard the raised voices as soon as she had woken up. It was the only thing she heard from them anymore.

She quickly had a shower and then passed the living room to get to the kitchen. Her parents were standing there, having a full blown-out arguement. Much worse than the one yesterday.

She ran into the kitchen seeking refuge from the noise, but the voices only got louder and louder, so she was forced to listen to it as she scoffed her breakfast down as fast as she could. The sooner she got out of here, the sooner she couldn't hear their angry yells.

They argued so much that it became a compulsion between them, and the more they fought, the less Bella was noticed. Her parents were so caught up in their petty arguements that they didn't know she was miserable, depressed even, that she was affected by this as much as they were, that the chance of her parents splitting up would put a huge strain on her life and force her to choose one of them. She didn't want to choose one or the other, she wanted it how they used to be, she wanted it just to be then three, as a small happy family again. But she was just kidding myself wasn't she?

She thought that they probably would both leave her alone in a ditch far, far away somewhere. She already knew that the only reason those two were still together was because of her, and now she was just ignored, as if she didn't exist to either of them. She wasn't noticed by them because they only noticed each other.

They probably didn't even know she was there, in the next room, hearing every single word that they threw at each other, every argument and siteful words scarred into her brain, the fear that possessed her as the thought of choosing who to live with if they split up, if they hadn't already forgotten about her.

She had idiotically left her bag in the living room, so she ended up having to run back in thier and snatch it quickly, trying to block the sounds that she had started to become scared and afraid to hear every day.

She had thrown on her old, tattered shoes and made a mental note to think about maybe buying a new pair in the future, when she had saved up some money. Her parents hardly ever gave her money. She got what she found. She bought the groceries, she cooked the dinners and she hardly ever ate them.

When your parents are argueing in the next room and acting as if you didn't exist, and you're being bullied at school and have no friends or anyone remotely close to you to confide in, you wouldn't feel very hungry either.

Bella began to drift off into a daydream of memories. Of happier times with her family, just those three wearing simple smiles and the only sound they would make would be thier laughter.

Maybe some day they'd be a happy family again. Maybe some day they wouldn't argue ever. Maybe some day they would notice Bella. Maybe some day.

Bella had gathered all the tiny specks of hope left inside of her, which was very minescule and fragile.

The small ball of hope burst into nothing but dust as soon as she heard Renee say, "If it weren't for Isabella I wouldn't be with you."

To make things worse, Charles had a remark to say back, "P-lease, wer both know that Isabella means nothing to either you or me, you're just sticking around because I earn a lot more money than you do as Chief of Police in this town."

The arguement continued, but Bella's heart had stopped suddenly, and she felt it burn into tiny, microscopic shreds as holes began to fill her empty heart.

It's funny how one sentence could change one person's life for either better, or worse. To Bella, this sentence broke her composure, her hopes and her dreams. She couldn't pretend everything was alright anymore, that some day they would be a happy family, that her parents did really love her, because that sentence had destroyed her, inside and out.

She didn't have to pretend to be happy anymore, because she couldn't pretend to be happy when she felt as if she was dieing inside. The pain hurt too much to force a fake smile to the rest of the world.

The rest of the world didn't care if she was smiling or depressed anyway.

She ran out into the rain, forgetting to close the door.

-

Small splashes soaked my worn and tattered black shoes as I trudged my way through the heavy downpour. It was lucky that I wore a jumper with an added hood at the back of it otherwise my hair would have looked worse than a drowned rat. I was soaking wet and I began to feel a wetness between my toes.

It looks like I would have to buy new shoes after all.

I was supposed to be going to high school, but what was the point in having further humiliation and hurt?

I just kept walking, not caring where it took me.

Was I really that ugly of a daughter? Was I really worthless? Did anyone actually care or love me?

The answer was yes, yes and no.

No one deserved to have me as a daughter, no one in thier right mind would want to have me.

I wasn't pretty or fashionable or had any great talent like playing an instrument or being good at sports. I wasn't special, I wasn't anything.

I was ugly, I only wore jeans and a T-shirt all the time and most of those were baggy. The only talent I had was my clumsiness but that was just another bad thing about me.

I was just a complete, big, fat, ugly, hideous failure.

The only thing I never failed at was my straight A's at school. Educating myself was a way of distraction against the voices creepng up on my vulnerable ears, for the pain to dissapear.

I was a failure at everything except from pretending nothing was wrong with my life, when everything was wrong and where my life didn't exist to anyone as more than a name and a face.

I was just a disgusting loser as Kelly O'Neill, the Queen Bee of the school told me and as everyone else agreed.

At school, snide remarks were made in my direction, foots just 'happened' to be there as I tripped over them, and rough shoves from thier little cliques in the corridor were by 'accident' as they slammed me against a locker wall and left a huge bruise forming on my lower back.

I touched the large bruise and immediately winced. Physically, the mark would fade, Emotionally? The scar would always be there forever, as a reminder that when push comes to shove, everyone hated me.

I was a nobody, and normally nobody's had other nobody's as friends, right?

But I was a freak among the nobody's, a misfit that never fit in, a monster that everyone loathed and despised.

Would anyone care if I was found dead in the bottom of the ditch I just walked by?

Would anyone stop and help if they saw me being hit by a car? Or would they just leave me lying there as the driver drove away?

Would anyone actually cry at my funeral, would anyone actually attend?

The simple answer was no.

They wouldn't even say, "Isabella who?" when they heard, they'd probably throw a big party in my absense and my parents would finally get what they wished for.

A life without me.

At that minute, right there and then, I decided that I would just make it easier for everyone and myself.

They wouldn't have to put up with me anymore, I wouldn't have t put up with the pain and isolation anymore.

I would just be another name and number on a list of the dead.

Just another person who died, just another person no one cared about. Just another teenager with suicide written as the cause of death on the certificate. No one would miss me, and no one would remember me.

And the searing pain in my heart would stop, just as it would stop beating.

-:-

Sorry for the bit when it was in 3rd person and then in 1st. I found it easier to write like that first of all.

Please review! Or was it just that bad?

**Information:**

**Bella is 16 and a sophomore. **

**Kelly isn't her sister in this one.**

**One of the Cullens are in the next chapter for definite, but I _might _have a different opinion on that depending how many people like this story. :)**


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